January 11th

...sucked.

For the last ten days, I've been in control of my moods, and relatively calm/happy (a 5 or above on a 1 to 10 scale). That's HUGE for me, because I have been experiencing severe mood swings every 2 to 5 days for a long while now. But yesterday just sucked.

Breakfast



- 1 cup Corn Bran, 1/2 cup plain yogurt, and 1/2 cup blueberries

Snack - 12ish almonds, 1 small square dark chocolate

Lunch




- 2 eggs in a tortilla, 1 cup salad with hummus and dressing

This is where it got bad. Even though I had just finished eating, I felt shaky, distracted, and totally unsatisfied. It was too early for the rest of the lunch I packed, so I ate my "emergency bar":



I didn't feel much better, until I took a 15 minute walk. Then I went to class and got some bad news, and even though it was bad news, I made it HORRIBLE news. My mood was just out of control. I felt shaky, frantic, angry, frustrated, depressed, anxious...in other words, everything I hadn't been for the last 10 days. I had my pb&j on a sandwich thin around 3:30, thinking it might be blood sugar related. Then I had 2 flatbreads with cheese at 4. Then more Corn Bran, yogurt and blueberries around 5:30. I felt bad and was trying my hardest to eat my way out of it. At that point, I had eaten nearly my entire calorie goal for the day.

Then I super binged. I ate 1200 calories and 300 g of carbs between 8 and 9, and fell into bed exhausted, and slept 10 hours.

I feel discouraged. I really wanted this diet to help me control my moods. I know that one bad day doesn't mean that it isn't working. But I want to know WHY, after 10 days, I would suddenly have an "off" day like that, even though I had been doing everything right.

One thing is for sure -- binging makes it a lot worse. I wasn't hungry for most of the day. But I felt a huge urge to eat, which I know was related to my crappy mood. I am conditioned to use eating to make myself feel better. But it really doesn't if I'm binging and letting my blood sugar go crazy. What I should have done was continue to eat sensibly, and do something else to work on my bad mood -- exercise would probably have been the best choice.

I'm not feeling great this morning, either...maybe I'll have a chance to try it out today.